Chelsea vs QPR

There are 7 games left for Chelsea in the Premier League season.

Didier Drogba is starting instead of Loic Remy or Diego Costa. Remy’s got a calf issue, and Diego’s hamstring will keep him out until May.  So 37 year old Grimes idol, Didier Drogba, starts.

On the other side, there’s Charlie Austin and QPR. One of Austin’s 17 goals this season came from a flick with the back of his heel. It was against Chelsea earlier in the season. He’s quick, but seemingly the only threat QPR have.

Drogba chests the ball and tries to kick it away from the QPR defender, Roberth Huth, but Robert Huth reads it and goes straight for the ball. Drogba came back to the club in 2014 after a two year stint playing football in Turkey and China. Before that, he had a successful 8-year career with Chelsea. He returned to the club as a third-choice striker, something like a good luck charm on the bench. Yet now, with Remy and Diego out, he’s charged with seeing Chelsea through the home stretch.

Here’s Fabregas with a corner kick. He broke his nose in the Stoke match last week, so he wears a Batman-like mask. While he picks his spot, you can see the QPR fans behind him cup their mouths and shout insults. The corner comes to nothing. QPR press Chelsea. Austin spins and fires a shot between Terry and Cahill. Courtois is there to block it past the post. Nothing comes of the corner.

Chelsea 0 – QPR 0

It’s halftime. If Chelsea lose three points here, it will not be the end of the season. They’d have to lose 3 of the next 8 games. Trust me. I’m looking at blogs and infographics and stats and percentages and averages n shit. Math, son. Just don’t lose three games.

Oscar’s on.“Pony Boy.” He’s Brazilian with big eyes and boyish face. He looks like a pony to me. The crowd yells abuse. Pony Boy is cool though. Look at him.

Drogba maneuvers the ball skillfully through several QPR players but isn’t fast enough to escape several other QPR players. He loses the ball. Physically, he’s not the same man who floated across the box for the headed goal that sunk Bayern Munich two years ago. The man who won the heart of Grimes and made the cover of Vanity Fair, that man is still there, but not the deadly striker who took the European crown.

Where is this goal going to come from? Ivanovic? He’s also struck a headed goal to win a European trophy. This isn’t Europe though, it’s QPR away. He’s leaning into the crowd for the throw in. He’s fucking with them and they’re going apeshit.

Where is this goal going to come from?

Pony Boy passes to Hazard who places the ball at the top of the box. Fabregas, Batman-like, appears suddenly and sends the ball into the goal. The QPR fans throw lighters and other things at the celebrating Chelsea players.

Final Score Chelsea 1 – QPR 0

Next up, Manchester United.