Chelsea vs Stoke City

There are 8 games left for Chelsea in the Premier League season.

Chelsea will win the title. Chelsea will lose the title. If somehow Chelsea blow what is now a six point gap at the top of the table, I will slowly descend into the earth, dead.

Loic Remy is starting instead of Diego Costa. Diego has the most goals in the Premier League and a hamstring problem, but he can come on if needed. Remy should do fine. His movement is smart and swift. He darts into the Stoke penalty area and shoots. No, blocked by Asmir Begovic, the Stoke keeper.

Chelsea lost the Premier League trophy last season. They lost it not in games against a Manchester club, not in games against Arsenal or Liverpool, but in games against sides against like Aston Villa, Crystal Palace, and Sunderland. By default, the title went to the previous year’s champions, Manchester City.

Cesc Fabregas. I regret calling you “Sex Fiberglass” when you were at Arsenal and Barcelona. You are open in the Stoke area and begging for the ball. Willian sends it to you and the big Stoke defender goes all in. You drop like a human who’s just had his legs kicked powerfully from under him, and Chelsea have a penalty.

Eden Hazard is flawless from the spot. I can’t watch. Yes I can. Eden is flawless from the spot. He runs to the ball and kicks, Begovic goes right and the ball goes left.

Chelsea 1 – Stoke 0

Chelsea will win the title. Last season, Jose Mourinho, arguably the cleverest manager in football, said his Chelsea team were made up of “little horses,” not mature enough to win the league. He was right. Chelsea lost the title.

Hazard gets kicked into a heap on the edge of the Stoke box. Referee sees nothing. The ball squirts towards Stephen Ireland, the former Villa/City guy with a fleshy bulb for a head and a paste-on beard. He scoops it up and lofts it to Jonathan Walters, who is wearing a Riddler-type mask to help heal his fractured cheek bone. Walters dinks the ball to Charlie Adam, who has a gap in his top and bottom teeth. Adam takes a touch and then kicks the ball towards the goal, 65 yards away. The ball flies off camera, then appears again, just as it bounces off the Chelsea keeper’s glove and into the goal. The keeper, Thibault Courtois, shakes his head and shrugs.

Chelsea 1 – Stoke 1

Halftime. Chelsea have blown it. Everything is lost. I will die. Despite being top of the table for the majority of the season, Chelsea have played poorly in recent games. They look vulnerable to teams like Newcastle and Hull. Fuck. Last season, they were all little horses. Jose set expectations low. He knew he didn’t have a squad of champions. He’s a good manager. I should trust Jose. Chelsea are going to win the title. There’s plenty of time left in this game.

Diego’s on. Remy will partner with him up top. The combination of hold-up play and speed will overcome Stoke. Diego is the only one who can intimidate Ryan Shawcross, better known as the man who broke Aaron Ramsey’s leg. Chelsea will win the title. Diego falls outside the Stoke box, clutching his hamstring. Chelsea will lose the title.

Begovic rolls the ball out of the Stoke box. Hazard intercepts the ball. Hazard runs directly at Begovic. Before the keeper can recover the ball, Hazard slides it to Remy, who calmly side foots the ball into the net.

Final Score Chelsea 2 – Stoke 1